Recently, I was sent by my company to a class to learn how to improve my negotiation skills. I'm actually pretty good at negotiation. In the class (of 8 people) I scored 3rd highest - which I thought was "very good" but was told "those who do best are the ones who do the worst and learn the most." So maybe I wasn't as successful as I thought. In fact, I learned afterwards I'm more 'sales' than 'negotiator'. Useful skills in leading up to a negotiation, but sales can derail a negotiation (as I learned to my surprise).
I will never again confuse sales with negotiation. Which I have always done. I did not see them as fully separate skill sets - until now.
I always felt negotiation is a part of the sale. I learned the hard way it's not. Basically, negotiation is about firmness, employing the proper behaviors as called for within the context of the discussion, and doing what is appropriate.
To start with, there is no such thing as, or room for, 'fairness'. This was fine with me. I don't believe in the term 'fair' as it is subjective and most commonly used by 4-8 year olds who just want their way. Yet, I learned that there is a mindset of 'fairness' which almost all of us employ. I had to train myself to stop using it. It is a training that will take a long time to break the habit.
I learned there are 12 different kinds of negotiations, ranging from basic haggling to complex, multi-dimensional relationship building (more suited to the roles I have had). Each kind of negotiation requires different uses of the skill sets of negotiation - and knowing how to employ them properly and credibly.
I learned there is no 'winning' in a negotiation, even the most basic one. While many say "win-win" is the "goal" that's actually not really even a goal. It's just a part of one guideline. A very useful part, but just a part.
The main takeaway is a form of quid pro quo, "If you do X, then I'll do Y" is a key tool of complex negotiations. Getting to this understanding, however, means learning how a negotiation can spin out of control, and often simply because two sides enter the negotiation by not paying close attention to what the other side is saying, or believing they have different goals and trying to achieve them willfully.
The course took 3 intensive 12 hour days of work, conversations, practice negotiations, filming your behaviors. It was, in a word, transformational.
I'm by no means a master of negotiation, even now. I have, however, been provided the skills and knowledge I need to continue to improve myself.
At the age of 60, that's saying quite a bit. It shows my company has great faith and belief in me to spend the money they did for me to take this coursework. I have always enjoyed learning about anything in which I've regarded my skills or knowledge as weak. I learned I was weak here, and that was a good thing to learn, in itself.
Sadly, I can't say much more about the course. I will, however, happily share the name of the group - The Gap Partnership - which provides the coursework. It is expensive, but I have assured my firm it was worth every penny.
As they said in the course, what you get in life is what you negotiate. I do believe this now. Oftentimes, we're not even aware of what we're negotiating for. It's not ignorance, usually. Just lack of awareness.
